Building Your Marriage with the Sound Relationship House

Written By Scott Bair

One of the most helpful frameworks for building a stronger marriage is the Sound Relationship House from Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They spent decades studying what makes relationships thrive, and this framework gives couples a clear structure for how to grow together. Think of it like a house. Every level builds on the one beneath it, and each part keeps the relationship strong.

The good news is you can take these principles and apply them today. Here’s how to use the Sound Relationship House in your marriage in practical and faithful ways.

 

1. Build Love Maps

A love map is simply knowing your spouse’s world. Do you know their daily stresses, their current dreams, or what makes them feel most alive right now?

How to practice it:

  • Ask each other one new question every day. Example: “What’s something you are looking forward to this week?”

  • Keep a note on your phone with your spouse’s current favorites and interests.

2. Share Fondness and Admiration

This is the foundation of affection and respect. It is not about grand gestures. It is about daily appreciation.

How to practice it:

  • Say one specific word of encouragement or gratitude each day.

  • Pray together and thank God out loud for one quality you love in your spouse.

3. Turn Toward Instead of Away

Moments of connection happen in small ways. When your spouse makes a comment or shares something, choose to engage rather than ignore or dismiss.

How to practice it:

  • When your spouse says something, pause and respond even if you are busy.

  • Create a daily “check in” where you give your full attention for 10 minutes.

4. The Positive Perspective

Couples who build strong foundations see each other through a lens of grace. This perspective helps you assume the best about each other.

How to practice it:

  • When something small goes wrong, say to yourself, “My spouse loves me and did not mean harm.”

  • Ask clarifying questions before reacting.

5. Manage Conflict

Healthy couples do not avoid conflict. They learn to work through it with respect.

How to practice it:

  • Choose a time to talk about conflict when you are both calm.

  • Use “I feel” statements rather than “You always” or “You never.”

  • End with prayer, asking God to help you grow through the disagreement.

6. Make Life Dreams Come True

Strong marriages make space for each other’s deepest hopes and dreams.

How to practice it:

  • Ask your spouse about one dream they have not shared yet.

  • Write down one way you can support each other’s dreams this month.

7. Create Shared Meaning

The roof of the Sound Relationship House is about building a life together that reflects your values and faith. For Christian couples, this means weaving your marriage into God’s story.

How to practice it:

  • Create family traditions that reflect your faith. Example: Sunday evening prayer together.

  • Talk about how your family can live out your values in practical ways.

Bringing It Together

The Sound Relationship House is not theory. It is a daily way of building your marriage. When you grow in knowledge of one another, show admiration, turn toward each other, manage conflict well, and pursue dreams together, you create a marriage that honors God and blesses your family.

Start small. Pick one of the seven principles and focus on it this week. Over time, you will see the fruit of a home built on love, grace, and intentional effort.

Scott Bair